Writing is a way of therapy for a lot of individuals. There is something about exposing all you have in the front of your mind and heart on a blank piece of paper that can not talk back, give advice, teach, add their opinion, and mostly judge. I love when I have emotions that bring about thoughts and I have to get them out on paper. I call it the birthing process of writing.
When a child is born it is not necessary a beautiful site. There is a process of labor, birth, and then cleaning the miracle of a baby off from all the residue of labor. Some individuals want the baby to be cleaned off before holding the baby or babies. While you have other individuals who want to hold the baby immediately as they are upon exiting the womb. I believe my writing is just like the woman who wants to hold a baby immediately.
There is a sense of pride and accomplishment when I birth writing. I look at my writing knowing there are grammatical, spelling, and punctuation errors in my writing when it is first birth, but I don't care. I feel that is when my writing is at its strongest. The residue of birth symbolized the journey it took to get to the point where I am not able to look and hold my words on paper. I look down at it with a sense of pride so much as there is a part of me that doesn't want to clean it up.
What I am looking at is a piece of myself in its raw state. My birthing paper shows my scars, my imperfections, and my vulnerability without excuse. Sometimes that is how we want others to accept us - just as we are. Some days we may come out of the house sharp as a whistle and other days we may not want to comb our hair. We are allowed to go through stages and moments in life where we can present to others who we are in the space we stand at that present moment.
To others, the birth of my paper may look like a hot mess, and they may want me to clean it up prior to holding or even looking at my words on paper. However, I can sit and stay with my paper in its raw state knowing that when you look beyond the residue there is something of a beauty, something strong, something with a message, something sweet and transparent that lies beneath. I love it raw unapologetically, take it or leave it but this is me.